Domestic violence is when one partner exhibits control over the other partner in a relationship. Abusers use many ways to isolate, intimidate and control their partners. In the beginning it may be difficult to recognize. Early in the relationship, your partner may seem attentive, generous and protective. These same actions may later turn out to be frightening and controlling. Early incidents are usually isolated events for which your partner expresses remorse (or regret) and promises to do better in the future. Oftentimes the partner explains the cause of the abuse was due to stress or something you did or didn’t do or say.

Early Signs of Abuse

• Quick whirlwind romance.
• He wants to be with you all the time so he can track where you go and who you go with.
• He gets jealous when others give you any attention.
• Likes to isolate you from others because he thinks they are not good for you or he insists you only need him.
• He’s touchy or super-sensitive when he feels slighted.
• Never accepts responsibility for the abuse; blames others instead.
• Pressures you into doing things you aren’t comfortable with (If you really love me, you’ll do this for me).

• Are you ever afraid of your partner?
• Has your partner ever physically hurt you or threatened to hurt you or someone you care about? (Including a pet.)
• Does your partner belittle you in front of others or make you feel mentally inadequate at home?
• Does your partner ever force or coerce you to engage in sexual acts that make you uncomfortable? (Including using pornagraphy.)
• Do you constantly “walk on eggshells” around your partner because of his moods swings; changing your behavior to minimize his actions?
• Does your partner tend to control where you go, what you do, who you see, or even what you wear?
• Does your partner constantly accuse you of having an affair?
• Have you stopped seeing family or friends to avoid your partner’s jealousy or anger?
• Does your partner control your money and bills?
• Does he ever threaten suicide to keep you from leaving him?
• Does your partner blame his bad behavior on alcohol, drugs or abusive childhood?

If you answer yes to some of these questions, you could be suffering abuse.  Remember, even if you did mishandle the situation, you are not to blame for someone else’s abusive behavior.  You do not have to face domestic violence alone.

What Are the Mental Health Effects of Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence can lead to other common emotional traumas such as depression, anxiety, panic attacks, substance abuse and posttraumatic stress disorder (PSD).  Abuse can trigger suicide attempts, psychotic episodes, homelessness and slow recovery from mental illness.  Children exposed to domestic violence are at risk for developmental problems, psychiatric disorders, school difficulties, aggressive behavior, early pregnancy, low self-esteem, and even criminal issues.  Some domestic violence survivors need professional counselling for safety and recovery; many see all their symptoms resolve once they and their children are safe and have a good support network to rely on.  We feel the best support should come from your local church and this is why we are providing training for women to assist women through the abuse recovery process.

What You Can Do if You Are Being Abused? 

While you cannot stop your partner’s abuse—only he can do that—you can find help and support for yourself.

• Complete a Safety Plan right away.
• Talk with someone you trust: a friend or relative, a neighbor, coworker, or a woman in ministry at your church.
• Tell your physician, nurse, psychiatrist or therapist about the abuse.
• Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or dial 2-1-1 for Connect Alabama.
• Call 9-1-1 if you are injured or in immediate danger.

Remember, you know your situation better than anyone else. Don’t let someone talk you into doing something that isn’t right for you.